How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
