Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize