you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
