so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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