A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
