what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
