I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
