the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
