It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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