Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
