She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
