I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
