I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
