Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
