Soap is not a condiment
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
