Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
