Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
