I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
