i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
someone owes me an orgasm
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
where are my eyebrows?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize