stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
