You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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