I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
