eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
