Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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