How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
