and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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