Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
