How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
