peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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