Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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