barbara walters just said penis...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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