I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
