My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
