During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
