**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
