Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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