Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
