I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
