She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
