i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
