We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
