Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
