it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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