This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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