So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
