We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
