so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
