upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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