$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I love having hate sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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