woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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