is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
