Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
