I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
