3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
