We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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