I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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