no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
