I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
