..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I puked a lego.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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