I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
