the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
