what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
