You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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