Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
