Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
