My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
