well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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