i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
