Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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