No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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