She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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