So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
