i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Boobs speak an international language.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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