Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
